the ring (only not really)

I love the idea of planning a wedding as much as the next girl (maybe more) - I totally fantasize and love looking at others' weddings for inspiration, and I absolutely file things in mental categories of love, like hate. I even have a general idea of the mood I want. And while I appreciate the beauty in many dresses and ring, I have never had that aha moment where I see a wedding dress or a ring that I love above all others. I ooh and ahh over them, but none have said "I am the one for you". Until last week.

There is a billboard that I pass on my way to work everyday. They recently put up a new sign on it for a jewelry store, and it's basically just a picture of one ring. The ring (to rule them all, and in the darkness bind them). My heart skipped a beat when I saw it.

And honestly, there's not even anything particularly outstanding about it. I'm sure I've seen essentially the same ring before without the heart palpitations and nearly careening into the car in front of me. (Although the billboard photo was straight-on of the side, and I think that makes the tiny side stone stand out more, and generally makes it all more dramatic.) Part of it was that the billboard proudly proclaimed that this ring was called "the Crown" (and who doesn't like that!?), but after a google search to try to find another picture of it, I realized that there are lots of engagement ring settings called some variation of crown, and none of them made me melt like this. Basically, I can't explain my obsession.

And my first thought (after I regained my ability to think), was that this was awful! I'm not planning to pick out a ring with him (I imagine that he would prefer to surprise me, and I completely trust his judgment), and I half expect him to pick out an estate ring, rather than something new (which I am completely on board with). So the chances of me actually getting the ring that caused me to melt are slim to none.

But after a moment, I realized that what this really meant was that I'd get to have two separate time-stopping ring experiences. I know that no matter what ring he picks out, it will make my heart skip a beat too, because it be so much more than a piece of jewelry. It reminded me how much I want that surprise, and I know that my heart will go aflutter every time I look at my hand and see the ring that came from him, and that the Scott Kay setting will stop inducing butterflies as soon as I have a ring of my own.

The tension builds

He dropped a hint that he was actually looking at rings last week. And at first, it really was a complete relief. It made me a little excited that it might be happening soon, but my more rational side understood that he is not one to move quickly. I was actually content just to know that we were on the same page. I was zen.

And then nothing happened this weekend. But I was still pretty zen. And then I got an email from him this morning in which he was fantasizing about us actually being in the same city... and part of this fantasy was that I could move back in with an (amazing and perfect) old roomie. Mind you, I can't move until next September because of my work situation. In my mind, I would be getting married then, and moving into a house with him.

His email completely killed me! I know I'm being way emotional, but I read that to mean that he doesn't really want to marry me ever! I was/am devastated. Sure, it probably just means he doesn't want to rush. And sure, that's probably a good thing. But really, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. And I can't even blame hormones.

So right now, I don't want to think about planning or pretty dresses. I just want to kick him. And that's not very nice.