He dropped a hint that he was actually looking at rings last week. And at first, it really was a complete relief. It made me a little excited that it might be happening soon, but my more rational side understood that he is not one to move quickly. I was actually content just to know that we were on the same page. I was zen.
And then nothing happened this weekend. But I was still pretty zen. And then I got an email from him this morning in which he was fantasizing about us actually being in the same city... and part of this fantasy was that I could move back in with an (amazing and perfect) old roomie. Mind you, I can't move until next September because of my work situation. In my mind, I would be getting married then, and moving into a house with him.
His email completely killed me! I know I'm being way emotional, but I read that to mean that he doesn't really want to marry me ever! I was/am devastated. Sure, it probably just means he doesn't want to rush. And sure, that's probably a good thing. But really, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. And I can't even blame hormones.
So right now, I don't want to think about planning or pretty dresses. I just want to kick him. And that's not very nice.
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Oh sheesh. They are frustrating, aren't they? I had the same kind of thoughts and mentioned them to Boy. It was really freeing, actually. I have a talent for over analyzing, so I going back over everything he said. After we got back from Hawaii (a birthday trip for me) without a ring, we talked and I realized he just wasn't ready. Now that we've had the "I'm ready" discussion, it's hard to stop obsessing. Blogging helps :)
ReplyDeleteSezzy: Yeah! It's funny, we also went out to Hawaii this year, and I was so shocked when I didn't return with a ring. It's strange because all indicators are that he's ready... but he just doesn't pull the trigger. Admittedly, he's not one to rush into anything - and that's a good thing. I usually rush in headlong.
ReplyDeleteBlogging definitely helps (and I think my friends appreciate it, because it means that they don't have to hear quite as much of the obsessing).