Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Another boring reflective post

I feel the need to make a few points clear:

A) I am pre-planning because I enjoy planning parties, and I find looking through wedding blogs/magazines/websites/etc. inspiring. I think it's amazing how creative people are. And I do intend to use ideas that I've seen in the wedding context for other events (like an upcoming baby shower). It's mostly fantasy planning, and I really don't see myself as obsessed. I would never get married just to have the excuse to be the center of attention and to plan an incredibly expensive party.

B) I'm looking forward to engagement/marriage because I love the man I'm with. I want to have a life with him. This has been a sticking point for me - I am definitely one of those girls who falls hard and early, and I know that I can be blind to a guy's faults early in a relationship. I have had a series of long relationships, and I've been engaged once before and had another guy ask my father for his blessing (although I broke up with him before he ever asked me). I'm terrified of being one of those girls who has to be in a relationship (although, yes, I have had periods alone).

But I'm also a firm believer in marriage. I believe it is a commitment for life, and I can say with more certainty than you'd expect that I will not divorce a man unless there is infidelity or physical abuse. Some might consider it unwise, but this all-or-nothing mentality has kept me from actually marrying anyone yet. That's a big commitment!

I know that I've been a little marriage-crazy in the past, but people change. Knowing my past mistakes and the reasons behind them does allow me to make better decisions. Do I still have to fight to be objective about people I'm close to? Sure. But I think I'm ready. I think this is the guy, and I think that he deserves the kind of commitment that I want to make to him - and I think that he wants to make that kind of commitment to me. And I think he'll make an amazing father (and that matters to me).

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